I do not care.. but I do. 

The idea of putting up our walls to protect ourselves is a fine thing if you can do. I tend to say I don’t care and try to make it so. But I lie. I do care. More than anything. And this is why I am miserable most of the time. I wish I was an ice queen. I wish I could close my heart off to those who do me wrong. But I can’t. I am programmed to care and I think it’s my worst trait. People say it’s a good thing. No it’s really not. I put myself out for other people and get little back. I put myself out there to be rejected, over looked, used and dropped just because I care more for people than they do me. I don’t speak up, I don’t let my rage free, I don’t do anything. I am a doormat. To be walked over, wiped on and stood on. And I don’t change it. I let it happen. I care for other people’s feeling when they couldn’t give a crap about me. Oh look here’s mel moaning again… yes. Because I am sick of it. Open your eyes and stop treating people how you would hate to be treated. I wish I could swap shoes for a day but I guess that wouldn’t change anything. Still get treated like crap. It’s a lonely world being surrounded by people who just don’t care. I don’t want to care. I don’t. I want to be a stone cold bitch. It’s ok for people to speak to me like shit apparently so I need to grow some balls and give it back. I tiptoe around people because I’m scared to be alone and friendless and I lose my voice because of it! 

Just be fucking kind to each other!!! It’s not that fucking hard!!! 

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