One is the loneliest number…

In some ways, one is the loneliest number. I find myself trapped in my own mind when I’m alone. I taunt myself with negative thoughts and feelings. I corrupt good memories and twist them to see things that weren’t there. I allow my paranoia to take over and shatter the reality. One is lonely when you are your own worst enemy. 

Hello. My name is Mel and I suffer with depression. (Heads up… this ain’t a happy post). 

Some days can be amazing. I can have the best day ever and it can all come crashing down the next day. Why? 

Well according to my doctor, my happy little enzymes are being blocked and are not making it through the happy door. Shitty little enzymes. 

I say I have paranoia, which is true. (No I’m not a pot head). But not in the sense of someone is out to get me or I’m being followed etc. But in a sense that I think people hate me or are talking about me. I also twist myself up thinking people avoid me. And I know that I do it. I’m not oblivious to my mental health. I know there is nothing to be depressed about. That doesn’t stop it happening. 

It really pisses me off when people say they don’t believe in depression or it’s not a recognised illness. Go back into your narrow minded little hole! 

A friend once said to me “anyone can train to fix a broken leg or a heart problem. I want to help fix the brain”. She is studying to be a mental health nurse and I’m really proud of her. She gets it. 

That’s another thing that pisses me off. I’ve heard general nurses taking the piss out of mental health nurses saying things like they are not proper nurses. Well it’s mental health nurses that will save lives just through talking to someone. By taking the time to listen. 

Oh iv gone off on a tangent…. oops. 

I forgot the point I was making. šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚

Anywho…. I wrote this because I am sat alone and my mind started racing and twisting and I thought writing it out might help me. Well it did šŸ™‚

My pointless post about depression šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ 

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